An Ardnaree Damsel in Distress!

An Ardnaree Damsel

in Distress!

-------------------

YOU’VE heard about Kate Merrick of Forty-Eight Club fame,
Or Emmeline Pankhurst’s fight for the freedom of all dames;
But there is one unknown a damsel I must say,
Who embodies all the qualities of Pankhurst or Queen K.

A very respected lady in Ardnaree resides,
The powder on her leathery cheeks her years do not disguise;
But still her outlook’s youthful and she can’t understand,
Why she of all nice people male attention can’t command.

Until to town there came one day,
A gentleman who soon decided that he would stay;
To get this fly into the web there must arise a plan,
And this is what the lady set about to try better scan her man!

A circular she drafted inviting friends in trust,
To meet her at her residence on Oct. the 31st;
The night arrived in due course, the conspirators duly met,
And I must say in passing they were a funny set!

There was Tommie R. and Patsy from Easkey’s Carrowmacbrine,
And Michael M. the Bookie, looking all spruce and fine;
There was also ‘Thimble’ C. and a publican or two,
And a dapper little ‘Hopper’ in a nafty suit of blue.

The ladies then filed in by twos, and duly took their places,
And again I say in passing, you never saw such faces;
There was ‘South-Sea-Island’ Dubarry from Tahiti’s sunny clime,
And Saucy Sue from Culleens -- she rides the sea of time.

Next comes Patsy M., looking fine and fit,
She brought knitting and expected time to knit;
The meeting thus assembled – the ‘Thimble’ took the chair,
And called upon the Hostess to explain their business there!

In a hush that was expressive of the exploit now in hand,
The lady addressed the meeting as progressives only can;
Then up gets the dapper ‘Hopper’, always a ladies’ man,
And impressed upon the meeting that her ladyship must get a man!

There were numerous suggestions but each contained some flaws,
And some were not in keeping with our beloved country’s laws;
’Twas the false soldier’s notion that the lady should start a Pub,
But South-Sea-Island’s Dubarry’s suggestion was a Club.

It was then put to the meeting – their opinion was a Club,
Where certain types of Maidens would meet prospective hubs;
So now the web is finished, and the Spider waits the day,
When she can say – “enter my parlour, IF YOU MAY”!

                                                           “Anonymous"
    Ballina, November, 1940.