The Royal Irish Tinker

The Royal Irish Tinker

[Vide Castlebar Petty Sessions]

-----------------------------------------------

STRANGE things will sometimes appear amongst men—

This statement is open to flat contradiction—

But I’ve seen it to happen again and again,

For truth very often is stranger than fiction.

Sea serpents and earthquakes are fairly done brown—

This green-coated genius, my boy, is a clinker,

Who now is on show in our own county town,

A real Royal Irish Constabularly Tinker.

Genius, they say, will shine under a pot,

He has it—the rest of the force don’t begrudge it—

It rests on no certain particular spot

Under the helmet—sometimes in the budget.

This here will climb up the ladder of fame,

He don’t want promotion—the man is a thinker—

With a soldering iron carving his name—

A real Royal Irish Constabularly Tinker.

To keep talent dormant is certainly crime—

Whoever would think that in coal such fine tar is—

And this brilliant young man is now losing his time;

He should be illumining London or Paris;

But Bailey and Barnum will not let him go,

He beats Darwin’s world-renowned missing link, or

Anything else they have got in their show,

This real Royal Irish Constabularly Tinker.

The Japanese want him—they say they can’t cook—

To fix the camp kettles and mend the big drums;

The Czar swears he’ll have him by hook or by crook

To solder his ministers after the bombs.

King Edward declares all his vessels want rims—

He’ll not let him go as the man is no drinker—

So is bringing him over to bottom the Thames—

This real Royal Irish Constabularly Tinker.

A King is a man who in honour is bound,

To elevate men by straightforward example;

He won’t change his robes and start hanging around

Making mountains of mole hills his subjects to trample.

Bereft of his Kingdom and Crown, he’s not mean;

Ah! not for a ship and the gold that would sink her,

That one little spark—self-respect—will remain—

Not so with this King masquerading as Tinker.

                                                       Larry Doolan

                                          Ballina, 5th May, 1906.